koishe:

classy-dick:

do you have a friend who’s usually a sweetheart but when they’re angry they’re the creepiest and the most cruel motherfucker you ever saw in your whole life

i am that friend

REBLOG | Posted 1 day ago With 2,482 notes

thewordsofclayton:

sirtarantino:

a guy walked into the board room and said

"hi sweetheart if you could fix me up a coffee real quick im meeting with the regional reports manager in like five minutes, thanks darling"

and i just stared at him and coldly said

"i am the regional reports manager"

we are now twenty minutes into this board meeting and i dont think i’ve ever seen a man look so embarrassed and afraid in my whole life

Good

athcode:

please trust me and just watch this

REBLOG | Posted 1 day ago With 111 notes

mspaintadventuring:

thebabbagepatch:

THERE’S A WHOLE SERIES OF COMICS ABOUT A TINY TURTLE CALLED SHELDON AND THIS MAKES ME VERY HAPPY

HE’S NOT EVEN A TURTLE THO HE’S A TINY DINOSAUR THAT THINKS HE IS AND THAT MAKES IT EVEN BETTER

HE HAS AN ACORN ON HIS BACK

REBLOG | Posted 1 day ago With 31,172 notes

missmorganface:

anneboleyns:

we are all fester

Me. Forever. Over anyone.

twcno:

futurebatgirl:

patrexes:

4sensesplusascarf:

Whenever I hear people say that classical music is boring I just want to remind them that Tchaikovsky’s 1812 Overture called for a cannon to be fired a total of 16 times.

image

remove cattle from stage

that’s not even the best partimagekey terms include:

  • balance your chair on two legs”
  • "continue swimming motion"
  • "insert peanuts"
  • "play ball!"
  • "release the penguins"
  • "gradually become agitated"
  • "light explosives now….. and…..   ….. now."

miaman:

im LAME

i need a hickey or five
—me (via onestartotheleft)
REBLOG | Posted 1 day ago With 3,161 notes

nodaybuttodaytodefygravity:

i would have no use for this

there’s not a reason in the world i could ever come up with to use this product

but i want it

castielloveshispaintedwhore:

College kids

REBLOG | Posted 1 day ago With 3,851 notes

lipsitck:

When i was little i never thought that eyebrows would ever be this important to me.

basedgosh:

earthnation:

y’all are so annoying about dogs tbh i see posts like “there’s probably a doggy all the way across the world wagging its tail right now I have butterflies” get a job u fuckin hippies

image

REBLOG | Posted 1 day ago With 45,648 notes